Till death do us part
by european coffee addict
Summary: Story begins at the end of the episode "For Richer or Poorer". Maura wants to embrace the change, but it's not that simple. How will Jane's FBI job change their relationship? Together they examine their relationship and express some things unsaid. All chapters UPDATED.
1. Divorce Party

**Till death do us part**

 _This is a version of the aftermath of the episode "For Richer or Poorer"._

 _I don't own the characters. I just borrow them and will give them back unharmed. I promise._

I.

"This is the best way to celebrate a divorce!" Maura Isles stated cheerfully, following Jane Rizzoli to the couch, leaving the guests to themselves.

"Well," the other woman said, while placing herself onto the couch. "I think the divorce should be as much fun as the wedding."

"Thank you for throwing the party," Maura said now softly.

"Yeah, sure, it's not every day that your best friend gets divorced," Jane said jokingly, but Maura eyed her closely.

Jane sighed, shifting uneasily. "Ahm… yeah.."

"You've decided to take the job, haven't you?" Maura concluded.

Jane nodded. "Yes, I have…"

Maura gasped. Although it came to no real surprised to hear that Jane would take the FBI job she felt a sharp surprise and something else, when actually hearing it.

"I'm proud of you," she tried.

Jane smiled, still uneasy. "Really?"

"Yah, I know change is hard. It's scary to face the unknown, but we have more to do in our lives."

Jane smiled, looking down and then up to Maura. "Thanks for supporting me."

"It's what best friends do," Maura whispered, trying to smile.

"Cheers to change," Jane said as if she wanted to lift Maura up, because she must have known it will be hard for Maura. They both toasted to each other with a glass of red wine.

"And maybe collared shirts," Maura added trying to lighten the mood.

"No! God no! That is never gonna happen," Jane exclaimed, knitting her eyebrows. "Not even at the Bureau." Then her face lightened up a lot. "Ohh… good news. Ah…the employee discount at the FBI gift shops…? 25 % percent off. "

Maura gasped in delight, less at the prospect of FBI merchandise on a discount than at the hope that Jane would still include her in her life, even when she was at Quantico.

"You know, I never can resist a sale," Maura laughed.

"M-hm.." Jane breathed audible into her wine glass. Again Maura Isles eyed her closely.

II.

"Hey!" Edward, Maura's surprise and now newly ex-husband approached them, smiling a little bit unsure.

"Ah, Aeh…" Jane mumbled, "I think Ma needs my help in the kitchen." With that she excused herself and stood up from the couch. Maura looked equally unsure as she gazed from Jane walking to the counter to Edward, who was standing beside the couch.

"Please have a seat," Maura offered.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you and Jane," Edward began.

"It's alright. After all that's also your party," Maura smiled.

"Yeah, you're doing well," Edwards started.

"What do you mean?" Maura took a sip from her wine glass.

"Well, you have a great, fulfilling job. You are the Chief Medical Examiner. And your friends are admirable, especially Jane."

"What do you mean?" Maura asked again, taking another sip of wine.

"I don't know," Edward looked down. "I saw you both on the couch. You seem very close and intimate with each other."

"Jane and I have been through a lot the last seven years," Maura tried to explain, feeling increasingly uncertain.

"You know, sometimes I regret that I let you go. Back then, I felt so close to you, I admired you for your courage and intelligence. I don't know if it would have worked out, but I regret that I never tried, because I was too much of a coward."

"You couldn't have split with your family. You hadn't much choice," Maura offered.

"I don't know, Maura," Edward looked thoughtfully. "My mother had no right to determine who is appropriate for me and who's not. There aren't many chances in life to find your soul mate. I should have tried. Now it's too late, now you have Jane." Edward sighed heavily.

Maura Isles laughed uneasily, turning around to the others to see if someone was listening to their conversation. "Jane and I aren't a couple, I mean… it's not…"

"To be honest Maura," Edward looked at her. "I knew I needed you, because I could trust you. And when you came to visit me at the hospital I grew hopeful that…," Edwards voice trailed off. "But then I saw you together with Jane and I realized you have no room for someone else, for no man or woman other than the Detective. So I buried my hopes again."

"Edward.. I… , " Maura Isles was speechless, which wasn't happening very often. She wasn't speechless because of the thought that she and Jane had something going on itself. She was speechless because Edwards had seen it right away, whatever it was. However she realized she shouldn't be that surprised. Edward had always been a very observant man, someone who always had cared a great deal for her. Furthermore he had met her and Jane in a situation, where Maura felt things where stirred again that she thought they had already put behind them.

"It's okay, Maura," Edwards still looked at his old flame. "I just wanted to tell you that I always was interested in you, although we tried to annul the wedding, which obviously didn't work. And I'm still interested, but I won't make a move this time, because I know my chances a pretty low. I'm no coward any more, but I'm also not blind. I guess I just wanted to say how I feel about us. "

"You… you certainly aren't a coward, you hired a forensic accountant, when you noticed something was off. You took a great risk, you….," Maura stammered.

"It's okay Maura, it really is," with this Edward rose from the couch and went back to the counter, where the others were eating cake and laughing about wedding anecdotes.

Maura sat a while longer on the couch, before she could compose herself enough to return to the other guests.

Jane viewed her coming over and placed her hand gently on Maura's back. No one payed attention to Maura's flustered looks and Jane's soothing hand, except Edward, who exchanged quick glances with Maura.

III.

After the guests had left, Jane filled the dishwasher, while Maura cleaned the counter.

"Thanks for helping me clean up," Maura said.

"What was that between you and Edward? You seemed to be nervous." Jane said casually, maybe a bit too casually.

"It was just nothing. We talked about why it hadn't worked out between the two of us. I guess that made me feel a little nostalgic."

Jane nodded. "Yeah, I can understand that," Jane said, still sorting plates and pastry forks.

"Jane!" Maura said suddenly in an alarmed tone that told Jane to look up from the dishes and look at Maura.

"May I ask you something?"

"Sure… go ahead," Jane said, looking sympathetically at Maura.

"Why has it never worked out between us?" Maura blurted, her heart hammering in her chest. She was as afraid of how Jane would react, but she was relieved to have finally addressed that topic.

Jane dropped a fork to the floor. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," Maura said sharper as she has intended.

"Maura…," Jane's voice trembled. Maura could see her mouth falling open a little and her upper lip tensing ever so slightly.

Both women starred at each other, standing there motionless and speechless for the moment.

"Why would you bring that topic up now?" It wasn't as if Jane had no clue about what Maura was speaking.

"Well, you telling me you're leaving for Quantico, Edward telling me, how he feels he has missed his chance with me, his chance to find his soulmate, so I …. I think there are so many things left unsaid, Jane. And right now, I don't want us to end like Edward and me. That just scares me, Jane. What if we drift apart like Edwards and I did? At a certain point you can't reverse things. At a certain point your chance is just gone forever."

"Maura… I.. it's complicated," Jane stuttered.

"Yes it is!" Maura isles exclaimed. "Isn't it always? I mean, there were some people in my life, men, whom I genuinely loved, but it was never working out, because of circumstances. Although I think about what Edwards said, about maybe not having tried hard enough, I know the reason for each break up and somehow I think it was always the right thing to do, somehow… still it hurt me so much. I loved them and they left my life and I left their life. And then there is you. At least you are still in my life. And I'm so afraid that now I will lose you, too, like I lost everyone I loved to their job, their family…" A tear ran down Maura's face as she glanced up to Jane. "Of all the people, I can't bear loosing you, Jane. How am I supposed to live without you?"

"Maura!" Jane said again, breathing, pausing. "Are you saying you loved me?" Jane's mouth fell open more, while she was bending forward.

"Of course I loved you!" Maura said in a mixture of sadness and now anger, letting her tears flow freely over her heated cheeks. "I loved you so much, Jane Rizzoli and somehow I always will." Maura exhaled with a sigh. "For a while I thought you might have feelings for me, too. For god's sake Jane, we practically dated, although we never called it that, but it was exactly that. Then after a while it changed somehow. I think you changed, our relationship changed. So I settled with being best friends. I told myself that would be fine with me, as long as I'm an important part of your life. And it was fine, until now, because now I'm afraid I will lose you too, Jane."

"Maura, no! I will always have your back." Jane's voice trembled again. "You won't lose me…"

"So why has it never worked out between us, Jane?" Maura repeated her question, being able to compose herself, after Jane had disclosed at least a little bit of what she wanted.

"I do not know, Maura!" Jane exclaimed. She raised her tensed hands only to let them drop. Her shoulders sank. "I need some fresh air." With that Jane left into Maura's yard.

 _Note from the author:_

 _I would like to have a reliable beta reader for this story. If you think that's an interesting and fun thing to do, leave me a message via Private Messaging._


	2. Side Car

_"So why has it never worked out between us, Jane?" Maura repeated her question, being able to compose herself, after Jane had disclosed at least a little bit of what she wanted._

 _"I do not know, Maura! Jane exclaimed. She raised her tensed hands only to let them drop. Her shoulders sank. "I need some fresh air." With that Jane left into Maura's yard._

I.

Maura had become so accustomed to Jane running away from her, when it came to talking about emotions that she wasn't even trying to stop her. She stood at the counter for a while then decided to go outside. She guessed, just hypothetically guessed, Jane wasn't gone, but was just outside.

When Maura stepped outside, no one was there. Her heart sank for a moment and she felt heavy and drained. Then she realized her garage was open.

Jane was sitting in Maura's side car in the garage. When she saw her friend approaching she looked up briefly and then down on her hands.

Maura had bought the motorbike and the sidecar, when Jane was pregnant. She had envisioned driving Jane to the hospital, when she was in labor, bypassing Boston's traffic jam during rush hour. Later Maura had to admit to herself it was not only a little buying binge of hers to celebrate her friend's pregnancy and to show her support. It was her hope of having her own small family, with Jane Rizzoli. It had never occurred to Maura before, but she wanted to have her own family. She wanted to be a mother, who was actually there for her child. And she wanted to be a partner, who was close and loyal, not absent and unfaithful, like her adoptive father was to her adoptive mother. At that time Maura realized she had already accomplished the latter. She had accomplished that with Jane Rizzoli, although they weren't even a couple. Jane seemed to be there for her, was supporting her. That was actually more than her adoptive parents had achieved for each other or for Maura. Maura was happier thanshe had ever been in her life when Jane finally asked her to help raising the baby, but before Maura could express her feelings about this, Jane lost the baby. So Maura Isles did, what she always did and kept quiet about her own feelings and tried to be as supportive as she possibly could. She thought she had no emotional rights over the lost baby. After all it wasn't her baby, it was Jane's baby. Still, she too struggled to cope with the loss.

Now that she looked at Jane sitting in that sidecar, her knees sticking out, Maura smiled slightly. Even without a baby, the stylish but old-fashioned sidecar was just too small for the slim but tall Detective.

"I'm not very good at this, Maura."

"I know," Maura stated, still smiling slightly. "How could I have not fallen for you, Jane? I come from a world where etiquette dictates to always contain your emotions, where you think more about how you appear than how you feel. I think that was one of the reasons, why I never let anyone know how lonely I felt as a child and why I had social anxieties. I had a hard time reading other people's feelings and I also had a hard time understanding my own feelings, so I avoided human beings, at least live ones. And then there was you. Although you brush off emotions most of the time, I could read you so easily. I could see and feel how you felt. That gave me so much security and I was in awe about how freely you seemed to express yourself, even when it came to me. No one ever had done that before. You openly defended me, when they called me Queen of the Dead, until no one dared to do so. "

Jane smirked. "I got a lot of heat from the boys for that."

Maura paused. "Really? I didn't know that."

Jane shrugged and looked up at Maura, who was standing beside the sidecar.

"What I wanted to say is," Maura continued, "you seemed to be so free and you seemed to be drawn towards me."

"So, just narcissism?"

"Jane…!"

"Okay, sorry, shouldn't have said that. I take it back."

"The way you looked at me, the way you spoke to me, the way you spoke about me. You were so caring and you still are. You were proud of me and enjoyed my company and you showed so much sympathy for the way I am and the way I do my work. No one did that for me. I was delighted and I know I wouldn't have overcome my social anxieties and my awkwardness without you. You would get mad at me and sometimes even jealous. I loved that! Where I come from, you don't confront people directly. Showing others how you feel about them means you make yourself vulnerable, but in you it seems to be a strength. Where I come from no one would allow oneself to be outright and openly jealous, especially when…. you're not even engaged, when the other one has the same sex as you have."

"I get it, Maura." Jane raised her left hand and rubbed her forehead. "But why now, Maur?"

Maura breathed in deeply and exhaled long and slowly. "As I said, I think there are some things unsaid and I want to come clean, before you leave for Quantico," Maura answered.

"My God, Maura!" Jane protested. "I'm not leaving the planet, I'm just moving to another city and by the way, I thought you wanted me to take that FBI job!"

"I do," Maura said. "What kind of friend would I be if I would tell you not to go, just because I'm afraid to lose you? That would be selfish. Maybe I just want you to not forget me, when you're there, in another city and meeting new people."

"Maura!" Jane's voice trembled again, her brows knitted as she looked at her friend. "I would never forget you! How can you say that?" She looked down again, angry and at the same time her eyes began to swim. "In fact I will call you three times a day at least," she added defiantly.

Maura smiled briefly. "I don't know, Jane. I think we already have drifted apart. Maybe all this was too much. It not only took a toll on us, but also on our relationship. You had your problems to deal with after the Alice Sands ordeal and I had my problems as well. I didn't want to bother you because you had your own problems. You probably didn't want to bother me with your problems…." Maura exhaled audible. She purposely decided to not mention Jane's pregnancy and also not the bridge jump, which had a lasting impact on her. Jane's bridge jump had been worse for Maura then Jane shooting her biological father and Jane shooting through herself together.

"I was terrified, Maura," Jane finally said. "I thought I might lose you. The abduction, your injury… do you know how it is to constantly worry about someone you care for so much?" Jane looked up to Maura, who was still standing.

"I do, Jane," Maura replied simply.

"24 hours a day, weeks on end?"

Maura looked at Jane. "I'm not accusing you, Jane." She walked around the sidecar and sat herself on the motorbike. Jane watched her closely, turning her head.

Then Jane smiled conspiratorial. Her glance searched for Maura's glance. Her eyes were sparkling and dancing around Maura's eyes. "You know what? Let's have a ride. We never had one in this." Jane gestured over the bike and the sidecar, extending her long arm.

Maura smiled. Her first impulse was to protest and say it is nearly 10 pm and they haven't packed anything, but then she reminded herself how much fun she had together with Jane on road trips and that this was maybe her last opportunity for a little road trip with Jane Rizzoli.

"Okay, but I drive."

Rizzoli threw her head back and groaned throatily. "Pleeeaase, if you must…"

"Oh!" Maura jumped down from the bike cheerfully. "I need to get the helmets and the leather jackets."

II.

It didn't take Maura long to come back with two helmets and jackets, one of each she handed to Jane.

"What do you think about Hampton Beach?" Maura looked at Jane in joyful anticipation.

"I haven't expected anything else, really," Jane smirked and slid her arms into the sleeves, letting the jacket rest on her shoulders. "Oh, this jacket looks fabulous. I could become accustomed to it. When did you buy it?" She put on the helmet and closed the chin strap.

Maura sat herself on the bike. "I don't remember. They were on sale and I bought one for each of us," Maura said evasively. "I thought this sportier cut jacket would suit you well."

Jane briefly admired herself in the leather jacket then looked apprehensive. "You know how to drive that?"

"What do you think?" Maura scoffed.

"I shouldn't have asked, of course you do," Jane murmured.

III.

"You want to know why I addressed the topic now?" Maura asked while closing the chin strap.

"You want to come clean, before I go. Yeah, I understand that. Got it."

"Yes that." Maura licked her lips. "Also, I don't know if it was because I nearly got killed and you rescued me and… " Her voice trailed off and she needed to clear her throat. "When we were talking the other day about Edward and why I had married him and annulled the marriage the next day, well at least I thought I had done that, there was again something, Jane. It was something between us that I thought we had lost or left behind us. You looked at me that way over your wine glass like the first time we drank wine together in the morgue. Remember? "

Jane stared at Maura while she spoke and then smiled compassionately. "Yah, I remember that. My mother had set me up with Lieutenant Grant, which was wrong on so many levels. I think he realized that too. It was just awkward." Jane laughed and then shuddered, as if she could shake the memory off with that.

Maura nodded. "And then you came to me, with these flowers and the bottle of red wine both of which were actually meant for you. You looked so gorgeous in that dress. I had never before seen you like that. Always just this detectivy pantsuit, but this dress…" Maura exhaled. "You looked at me over the wine glass in a way that intrigued me, that flattered meand I asked myself back then why you had come to me with the wine, the flowers, the dress…."


	3. Hotel Marigold

**Till death do us part - Chapter III**

 _Maura nodded. "And then you came to me, with these flowers and the bottle of red wine both of which were actually meant for you. And you looked so gorgeous in that dress. I had never before seen you like this. Always just this "detectivy" pantsuit, but this dress…" Maura exhaled. "You looked at me over the wine glass in a way that intrigued me that flattered me. And I ask myself back then why you had come to me with the wine, the flowers, the dress…."_

I.

Jane smiled sympathetically looking at Maura. "I know."

"You should wear dresses more often, Jane. They complement you," Maura continued more casually. She was stuck between her need to talk openly about their relationship and her fear of getting rejected by Jane Rizzoli.

"I know," Jane repeated smiling a wider. "I mean, I know you think that, but if it weren't for you, I wouldn't wear any dresses."

"Really.. oh Jane…"

"I mean… all the nagging that you do, about my clothes…aaand," Jane stretched the 'and', inhaling deeply. "I actually like it, when you look at me and smile at me …"

"Jane…," Maura looked at her friend again and tried not to smile to hard.

"Yeah okay," Jane waved with her hand. "Let's start!"

Maura turned the key around in the ignition and started the engine of the motor bike. They drove through the dark without speaking. Just the street lights enabled them to see into the night. From time to time Maura stole a glance over to Jane. She saw long, raven curls escaping from under helmet, fluttering over shoulders in the wind. What Maura didn't notice were Jane glances admiring her concentrated face and her surprisingly strong hands. Maura thought it would be wise not to stress her luck with Jane. Maura would have chosen a hotel big and fancy enough to have an extensive spa, but she thought it was better to pick a smaller, simpler place.

II.

"Marigold Hotel? Sounds decent," Jane said, while climbing out of the sidecar and stretching her long limbs.

"I thought as much," Maura replied cheerfully. "Just the right mixture of modern amenities and nostalgic charm plus an ocean view."

"Let's see if they have a free room. First of all let's see if someone is there. It's nearly midnight," Jane said, walking to the entrance, followed by Maura.

The door was open. "Have you been here before, Maura?"

"Yes, once."

Jane abruptly turned around in the door frame "With whom?"

"With Jack," Maura said a bit too casually. Jane said nothing.

"Hello-o, someone there?" They heard rustling behind the counter and a young man appeared.

"Sorry, I was asleep; we seldom have arrivals at night, so…"

"Yeah, okay," Jane said impatiently. "Do you have a room for us?"

"Yes, I have. Please follow me… ladies…by the way my name is Sonny" The young man seemed to be fully awake now. He registered the new guests with a wide smile. He led the way to the second floor, where he opened a door at the end of the hallway. "This is our ocean view suite. I think it's just right for you. The key is inside, if you have any luggage…"

Maura smiled apologetic. "We don't have luggage. It was a very spontaneous idea to take a day off."

The young men grinned even wider. "It must be a very special occasion."

Maura looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"A woman like you wouldn't travel without baggage unless …"

"Yeah okay, thank you, Sonny" Jane interrupted him. "We'll ring if we need something."

The young man still smiled, but focused on Jane now. "There is no bell, but you might want to call the reception." With that he left the room. Jane rolled her eyes.

III.

"I feel a little unwell now," Maura whined. "We shouldn't have come here without anything to change. My dress will be wrinkled and I have no make-up." Maura started to breath heavier.

"First, you are supposed to take off your clothes for sleeping. Second, there is a tooth brush, shampoo, soap and even conditioner and lotion in the bath room. That's more than in my bathroom. I don't have conditioner."

Maura shot her a glance. "That's why you always look like that."

"What?"

"Well, your hair has so much potential…"

Jane bent her lanky body forward and narrowed her eyes to slits. "Is that a compliment or an insult?"

"What I meant is…," Maura licked her lips. "Let's go to bed. It's really late."

Jane glared at her, before peeling off of her leather jacket and t-shirt, as well as trousers. She flopped on the bed. "Oh yeah, that's comfortable."

"You can't sleep in your underwear," Maura protested.

"Why not?!" Jane looked at Maura.

"That's not hygienic." Maura voice showed a little panic. "You should at least air your underwear overnight."

"My underwear is none of your business." Jane looked back challenging.

"It is!" Maura exclaimed. "We're sleeping in the same bed."

"Yes!" Jane retorted. "And that's exactly why I'm not sleeping in the nude."

Maura straightened up. "I'll sleep in the nude."

Fiery eyes shot at her. "Don't you… "

"Jane I can't wear the same clothes to bed that I was wearing all day. It's bad enough I need to wear the same dress tomorrow." Maura said with slight disgust in her voice.

"You can't go to bed naked!" Jane protested.

"Actually, I do it quite often, especially on hot summer nights."

"It's autumn, Maura. This isn't a hot summer night."

"It's just because you have a problem with sleeping in the nude," Maura retorted.

"Yee-es," Jane replied. "I have a problem with any nudity."

Maura squirmed. "Fine, I'll keep my underwear on."

"Thank you." With these words Jane pulled the cover over herself and stared at the ceiling, while Maura went into the bathroom. At least she wanted to brush her teeth and wash her face for now. After she had finished this minimalistic personal hygiene, she turned off the lights and slipped under the cover in the dark. Both women lay there for several minutes in the dark.

IV.

"Jane?" Maura began.

"What is it, Maura? I'm trying to sleep."

"Are you ashamed of your body?"

"What? Should I?" Jane sat up straight. She felt offended although she knew it wasn't meant as such. She might feel this way, because she was indeed ashamed to show her body to Maura Isles. Jane had never considered herself to be beautiful. She thought her thin, lanky body looked like the body of a teenage boy, just taller. When someone took interest in her and her body she was still wondering and even mistrusting the authenticity of the interest. The scars left on Jane's body and soul over the years just added to her insecurities. Every time she looked at the scars on her hands, she was reminded of Charles Hoyt, the sociopathic serial killer who had harbored an obsession with Jane for years. The wound from shooting herself was a particular nasty one. Although the doctors had stitched her bowel, abdominal muscles and skin back up, the through and through bullet wound had torn her right flank and left a substantial amount of scar tissue.

Her abdomen had another scar, thinner yet very visible every time she looked at her belly in the mirror. While rescuing a teenage girl, Jane had sustained internal bleeding that needed surgical intervention resulting in the loss of her unborn child. A child she had decided to raise with the help of Maura and her family. She was unsure in the beginning, but then felt relief and unexpected joy, when she had asked Maura to help her with the baby and Maura seemed to be as excited as she was. Sadly, the loss occurred before she could tell her mother, who would have been happy and proud.

Jane didn't want to show her body and her scars to Maura. That was the reason Jane avoided letting her friend see her undressed and avoided any kind of spa activity with Maura, even though she knew how much they both would love doing them together.

Although Jane preferred to avoid thinking too much about her relationship with Maura she was well aware that there was more than friendship between them. Jane couldn't figure out what it was, but it caused her to feel insecure and not attractive enough in Maura's presence. Deep inside she wished she could be more attractive for Maura, but she brushed that off, by acting careless, when it came to her appearance. She even stopped wearing ironed button-up shirts and resorted to t-shirts, just to demonstrate how nonchalant she was regarding her looks.

Maura felt an abrupt movement beside her. "NO!" Maura exclaimed. "I mean, there is no reason to be ashamed of your body. It's just because you are always so modest," she continued. "We are best friends, so where is the problem?"

"Oh, you're good," Jane scoffed into the dark. "You know exactly where the problem is. We aren't just best friends." A moment of silence spread between them.

"So we're more than best friends," Maura tried.

"Maybe…"

"But we aren't lovers either… so what are we? What do we have Jane?"

"We've shared our lives for quite a while. We care for each other." Jane said surprisingly serious. "That makes us companions?"

"Is that what you think, companions?" Maura inquired.

"How would you describe it?"

"It might be the right term… but if you think we are companions, then why are you leaving, Jane?"

"We talked about that. Everyone is changing. I thought you would work with Hope. Korsak is retiring. So I thought I needed to change, too." Jane exhaled heavily. "Everyone is leaving BPD. And I can't and won't work with my little brother, as much as I love him."

"So you thought you needed to leave, too?" Maura asked.

"Yeah, that and I really see that the time has come to get off of the streets. I wanted to do that step, before I'm too old and unfit to chase suspects. You know, sometimes, when I tackle a suspect I hurt awfully. I'm not getting any younger. And I think in some ways Ma has a point and you were right, when you questioned my decision to jump from that bridge. My job at BPD causes trouble and pain for others. I don't want that anymore."

"That is very wise decision, Jane," Maura said gently. "But was it necessary to leave the city?"

"I thought you wanted me to take that FBI job," Jane said now louder.

"Jane, how could I ever say you shouldn't go? Yes, I don't want you to go, because I don't know what my life will be here in Boston without you, but I want you to do, what you want, what is good for you. Asking you to stay would be selfish."

"And Maura Isles is never selfish."

"That wouldn't be me."

"Right." Jane said and suddenly, fully aware that Maura Isles was just too afraid to be selfish. Jane was unsure what to say, because she was unsure of how she felt. Did she want Maura to be selfish in this matter? Had she wanted Maura to ask her to stay all along? If so, why did she take the job in the first place? Jane had a restless night, while Maura Isles was sound asleep.

V.

"Jane, you are finally awake!" Jane rubbed her eyes and tried to fix her gaze on Maura, who was sitting cross legged on her side of the bed, smiling at her best friend.

"I can't be awake, Maura. I haven't had any coffee and sugar yet."

"Oh we can do something about that, I already looked downstairs. They serve breakfast."

Jane grabbed her watch from the nightstand. "How long have you been awake? It's not even seven." Jane's voice showed disbelief.

"A while…"

"I bet you stirred long enough to wake me up."

"I would never do such a thing," Maura scoffed.

Jane smiled to herself, while getting out of bed and into the bathroom. It didn't take her long to shower and shampoo her hair. Even drying her hair was quick business with Jane Rizzoli, since she just dried it by bending down and blow-drying her mane overhead. The two women went downstairs, took a table and grabbed coffee and food from the buffet. This early in the morning, they were the first guests to eat breakfast. Maura went for yoghurt and fruits, while Jane devoured a glazed twist.

From time to time Jane would look up and observe Maura from the corner of her eye. It was seldom that Jane saw her best friend this relaxed. More often, Maura was busy, planning things and then worrying when things refused to turn out the way she had planned, so then she needed to adjust her plans, which caused her to be busy and stressed again. But today Maura seemed to be relaxed and at peace with herself and the world. Jane realized she hadn't seen her friend this relaxed in a long time.


	4. Flight Ticket

_From time to time Jane would look up and observe Maura from the corner of her eye. It was seldom that Jane saw her best friend this relaxed. More often, Maura was busy, planning things and then worrying when things refused to turn out the way she had planned, so then she needed to adjust her plans, which caused her to be busy and stressed again. But today Maura seemed to be relaxed and at peace with herself and the world. Jane realized she hadn't seen her friend this relaxed in a long time._

I.

„And I'm gonna miss you, really, really miss you…"

"And I love you."

Jane looked away. She avoided looking at her own image projected to the screen at the Dirty Robber. She wanted to avoid looking at Maura, but from the corner of her eye she saw Maura turning around to face her and she couldn't help looking back at Maura.

Jane had avoided to say her goodbye on video, but eventually gave in to Kent's idea. She knew everyone expected her to say "I miss you." And "I love you", but Jane realized she wasn't feeling this love and longing. Inside her was a void the last weeks. Because of the void that left her without orientation, she did what people expected her to do. In the past she would have refused to do what her mother, her family and even Maura expected her to do, just because they expected her to do it. Now Jane thought it was hard enough on everyone and the least she wanted was to make everyone even sadder. So she decided for once to do what everyone was expecting her to do. She said "I miss you." And "I love you," without knowing to whom she said it exactly. She wore a dress, because she knew her mother and Maura loved dresses on her, because she seldom wore them. She hugged her brother, she hold her mother's hand, she winked at Korsak. That was what people expected her to do.

The wink at Vince Korsak was when her façade started to crumble and her inner void started filling again. Jane had wanted to wink at Korsak with her boy-ish rogue to cheer him up, but when they made eye contact she saw the sadness in his smile and suddenly started feeling it too.

And then Maura turned to her and she saw the longing and the sadness written all over Maura's face. Suddenly her own sadness and longing stung Jane Rizzoli like a sharp knife and drenched the air out of her chest. She got all choked up and before she would start crying she resorted to her sarcastic, funny self that was cheering up her loved ones and suppressing complicated emotions. She demanded beer and Ma's ridiculous penis cake and everyone was laughing again, even Maura laughed.

This was the moment Jane realized she was just not ready to say Goodbye to Maura. She also realized she couldn't stand seeing Maura so sad. Although Jane had overplayed it, she had very well noticed, how hard her move to Quantico was for Maura. Jane had seen her tears, her insecurity. Jane had also seen Maura's joy and content, when they had the short trip to the Hamptons. Jane had noticed Maura's attempts to speak about their relationship, but she wasn't ready for this. She had not even an idea what to tell herself about Maura Isles. She only knew she feared whatever there was… because it was big.

This was the moment Jane made a decision that was brave. Jane knew that it wasn't brave for her to shoot through herself to rescue Maura and her brother Frankie. It wasn't brave to kill Charles Hoyt and Alice Sands. It wasn't even brave to jump from that bridge, because being brave means to overcome fear, but Jane didn't felt fear in such situations. That was why she was such a good cop. She just doesn't feel fear, because she was so damn confident to have control over the situation at hand.

Jane felt fear when it came to emotions and relationships, because inside she couldn't control her emotions. She had no control over the emotional reaction of others towards her. The fear of getting rejected weighted so much on her that she seldom allowed herself to show her true emotions to others.

However Jane realized for now her fear of slowly losing Maura was bigger than her fear of getting rejected by Maura. So Jane decided to buy herself some more time with Maura. She snug Maura's purse out of her Luis Vuitton handbag and left the Dirty Robber to drive to the airport. There she bought a last minute ticket to Paris. She used Maura's Star Alliance frequent flier card to upgrade her ticket to first class. Why not, Jane thought. There was no way she would sit seven hours in economy class with her long limbs.

By now Jane knew for sure this wouldn't hurt Maura's finances; it would rather delight her feelings. Jane knew that because she not only possessed the key to Maura Isles heart, she also possessed the key or rather the authorization over all of Maura's finances. Maura had wanted that, when she had the brain surgery. Maura had declared, it was the right thing to do anyway, since she had no children or spouse and she needed someone to take care of her finances and her person in case something might happen in the future. Jane for once had not opposed, but had accompanied Maura to her lawyer, to get explained everything and sign the authorization.

II.

When Jane returned to the Dirty Robber the party was still in full swing.

Maura approached her with a cocktail in her hand. "Where have you been? I was wondering…"

"Oh.." Jane waved her hand at the loss off words.

"I have an idea," Maura beamed with joy. "What about you come over to my place tonight? Let's have a sleepover just like in good old times."

"That sounds great," Jane said, but wasn't quite sure. She hadn't the time to think through this. How and when she would disclose to Maura that she would like to come with her to Paris. After all Maura would fly the next morning. Jane felt the fear of rejection rising. What if Maura had filled her time in France already with appointments with various friends of her and her family? What if she just don't wanted Jane to come with her, because she was mad at her or wanted to be alone there and plan her future or just because…

"I know we haven't done that in a long time, but I missed it," Maura added.

"Me too," Jane answered truthfully.

Jane had planned earlier to bring Maura to the airport anyway. Although Maura had protested, Jane had insisted to do so.

III.

Two hours later Jane sat in Maura's bed. She had gotten rid of the horrible heels she had worn the whole evening, but was too lazy and tired for now to get out of her dress. She would take it off, when showering and getting ready for bed.

Jane observed Maura packing the last stuff.

"Power adaptor, check. American Dollars, check. Euros, check," Maura commented herself.

"Maura, they have money… and ATM's," Jane scoffed.

"What if there's a power outage?" Maura challenged.

"Well then the power adaptors aren't doing you any good."

"I set two alarms for tomorrow morning."

"You don't need to," Jane protested.

"My flight is at eight and I need to be at the airport," Maura explained.

"I told you, I was gonna pick you up."

"No, we have talked about this! It's too emotional for me to say goodbye to you at the airport!" Maura said equally panicked and unnerved.

"I know!" Jane pulled her flight ticket to Paris from under her leg and held it up for Maura to see, while looking in the opposite direction. She didn't want Maura to see, how much she wanted it herself and was afraid, when she would look at her friend her emotions would betray her.

"What's that?"

"I used your miles and bought me a ticket to Paris, thank you!" Jane squeal with glee.

Maura needed a moment to comprehend what was going on, but then cried out in pleasure and crawled onto her big bed, beside Jane.

"We're going to have a full month in France together!"

"I know!"

"We're going to have so much fun!"

"I know!"

IV.

After they had a short argument over Jane's attire in Paris, which wasn't appropriate according to Maura, Jane felt sound asleep. For the first time in a long time she felt, she did the right thing. Jane was content with herself and relieved that Maura had reacted so positive to her idea to go to Paris together. The big luxurious bed and Maura's presence only added to her ability to relax and fall asleep fast. For now Jane's fear of slowly loosing Maura was gone.

Maura instead had a hard time finding sleep. Not her mind was reworking the itinerary, because she wanted Jane to enjoy their time together as much as she did, she also pondered why Jane made this move now. It came totally unexpected to Maura, but she sensed that Jane was serious about this, about starting their new chapter this way, together. Maura felt joy, excitement and fear all at once.


End file.
